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How to Be a Good Vegan in Animal Crossing, According to PETA

Every time PETA runs an activism campaign, I have to ask myself: is PETA is actually a sophisticated group of trolls that grew out of hand like the flat earth movement, or are they 100% serious? When I clicked on their Vegan Guide to Animal Crossing I actually did a double-take to check if I was reading The Onion instead.


Anyway, to save you the hassle of being preached at in long form, I've summarised the key points of their latest propaganda below (all screenshots are taken from the original article):


Do not fish

'Unlike in real life, the fish in the game don't feel pain'. However, PETA still advises you to refrain from fishing as it is your duty to protect your island from overfishing and animal cruelty. Ripping fish from their vast homes in the ocean and shoving them into a tank monitored by Blathers isn't very kind, you know?


Do not catch bugs

Like fish, bugs deserve the right to roam and be free, instead of being trapped in a glass tank for museum visitors to admire. According to PETA, if you have the choice to let your animals live free from harm, take it!


Do not dig for clams

PETA isn't even sure that clams feel pain IRL, but they ARE sure that they play a vital role in the ecosystem - so it's better to be safe than sorry and just let the clams peacefully spurt water at your ankles as you pass by.


Do not capture the hermit crabs

Even the game says they'd rather be left alone! PETA says that they are not objects but individuals, so please treat them with the respect they deserve.


Only eat fruit

PETA says that the game mechanics actually reinforce the idea of eating fruit, because eating fruit in the game makes you strong! Here's a comprehensive list of foods approved by PETA:

  • Apples

  • Oranges

  • Peaches

  • Cherries

  • Pears

  • Coconuts

If you could eat weeds, I'm sure they'd be approved too.


Do not build a doghouse

It's symbolic for real-world abuse of dogs.


Be nice to Tom Nook

To quote PETA, his furry tanuki friends IRL are often 'beaten, anally electrocuted, gassed, or skinned alive', so cut him some slack.


I agree. I mean, Tom Nook gave you an interest-free home loan that you can repay at will - if that's not a reasonable deal, I don't know what is! IMO, those who call him a shameless money grubber are probably those who want to abolish PTPTN repayment in real life.


Make pro-vegan statements

You can do this by customising the comments on your passport, making custom designs to adorn your island, pinning vegan notices on the noticeboard, or calling your island *shudder* Veganville.


Carry out animal-friendly activities only

Instead of fishing and hunting bugs, please carry out PETA-approved cruelty-free activities only:

  • Having a bonfire

  • Playing music together under the stars

  • Discovering a secret beach together

I mean, with an island this small, there aren't really any secrets, are there?

While we agree that animal cruelty is wrong, and we should treat our planet as kindly as we can, PETA isn't really the activist group you'd want to emulate. If their extremism isn't evident enough in this post, perhaps you want to check out the last time they rallied against video games by creating a spoof Pokemon game called...wait for it...Pokemon Black and Blue.


The original trailer has since been taken down, but you can still view the promo page in all its original glory.


You can also check out gameplay videos of it that still live on:

...yeah, let's stick to combating real-world cruelty instead of picking fights with harmless games, aight?


#peta #animalcrossing

©2019 by Salty Media Network.

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